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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120255">Journal of a Lost God</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferrisu/pseuds/ferrisu'>ferrisu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Dagroth's Devouring [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons &amp; Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Could use a ride to the celestial plane, M/M, PLZ HELP, Pre-Campaign, Time is funny here, Would like to go home now, lost god</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:56:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferrisu/pseuds/ferrisu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I seem to be lost. Could someone be so kind as to point me in the direction of the celestial plane?</p><p>AKA: i like to mess with my players</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bean Merchant &amp; Whiskers, Gramdan/Bean Merchant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Dagroth's Devouring [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I used to reign over the lore and land</p><p>Powerful and omnipotent</p><p>The very thread that ties existence</p><p>Unravelled, I am nothing</p><p>But time has forgotten me</p><p>Pity me, i am adrift</p><p>Aimlessly floating through the sea</p><p>Of memories from which to pick</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cycle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I am spent</p><p>Have not the years been kind?</p><p>Old soul, I meet the end</p><p>Those who forget keep me in mind</p><p>I have seen the rivers of old</p><p>I have felt an era on my skin</p><p>I have bled for what was fortold</p><p>And i have wept for who wins</p><p>And suddenly</p><p>I am grown</p><p>So many years left in kind</p><p>Fresh air i breathe my own</p><p>Memories, depthless pools twined</p><p>And running over riverbeds of futures past</p><p>Goosebumps like mountains creating</p><p>Red like flags half mast</p><p>I await the great befalling</p><p>And suddenly</p><p>I am not</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Riddle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pity thy fool who thinks</p><p>The world belongs to them</p><p>Strut and preen until the heavens fall</p><p>Then, who still stands in the end?</p><p>Peaks uncovered, stairways lost</p><p>Monuments erected in our favour,</p><p>Plays pretty with your pawns</p><p>Rivers, meanwhile, flow and waver</p><p>Brick by brick it climbs higher</p><p>And, the next, crumbles to dust</p><p>One moment I'm loved</p><p>And the next, leave I must</p><p>If linchpins cannot be swayed</p><p>Mirror mirror, answer me this</p><p>If the timeline is pretty knots</p><p>What is calm lakes and thick mist?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Who are you?</p><p>I asked in low tones</p><p>Parched by my travels</p><p>The deserts and wet lands</p><p>Are unyielding mistresses</p><p>Can I get you something?</p><p>You asked</p><p>My whisper but a requiem</p><p>Your name?</p><p>I tried again</p><p>Heaving, chocking, pleading</p><p>A name</p><p>I beg of you</p><p>Unkind stealer of souls</p><p>He who wishes me full</p><p>You who owns me already</p><p> </p><p>Gramdan</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Slowly Brought Rain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The serpents speak in their sleep of lost saviors</p><p>The bushes rattle with bountiful rumors and bane</p><p>I slip between the slivers of sight into this unseemingly slow spectacle</p><p>I browse the rows of beaten warriors for black ribbons</p><p>I see you sitting amongst the saved and the slaughtered</p><p>Bowed yet rigid, broken and repent, you bellow the rage of belligerence</p><p>Sighs sound, surrounding you, slow and spiteful they sing</p><p>I breathe ragged breaths and remind my body to remain bashful</p><p>Slowly the sea of song seeps into the swirling swarm</p><p>Rising from between the rushes they beat out a rhythm to beat and batter</p><p>Sorrowful sight I simply am too stunned to submit</p><p>Rows brawl and ruckus breaks and I rest breathless, removed</p><p>Still they see me and sigil sky sailing they swipe for steals</p><p>Run you bequeath but right is belief I refuse to breach</p><p>Speechless, the onslaught is sudden and swift, i am sent</p><p>But remember your brow raised, what was broken is renewed</p><p>Still amongst the sway and swill, you string your scythe, then smite</p><p>Rushing before me you reach and bestow the runes of Bhaal</p><p>And slowly I succumb to the lost saviours who speak of serpents</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Fate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fate</p><p>Fickle thing one would think</p><p>Ties together the threads off too many lives</p><p>To come undone alone</p><p>Nimble fingers when prompted</p><p>Might loosen these strands</p><p>But none shall be cut</p><p>By any other hands than mine</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bite</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Silly boy you think yourself more than a pawn?</p><p>Let me speak to you of games of luck so you may understand</p><p>Unraveled are the twists of fate and time is no haven</p><p>You wish to play then play but do not hope for pity once lost</p><p>The claws will always be as sharp</p><p>The tongues will always be as venomous</p><p>The teeth with always dig as deep</p><p>And death will always be as sweet</p><p>Silly boy you wanted to be more than you were meant to be</p><p>You wished for the fallen to kneel to the threads you sowed</p><p>The tides of time bow to no one, least of all you, seer</p><p>No god will offer you mercy when you fall</p><p>And fall you will</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I bleed tears of gold</p><p>So I may cry upon your shoulder</p><p>The weight of the world feels impossible</p><p>And my heart is torn asunder</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tell me, my love</p><p>When you cradled them in your arms</p><p>Did it hurt you like it hurt me?</p><p>Tears and pounding blood</p><p>Against cold flesh</p><p>Cast to colder waves</p><p>Tell me, darling</p><p>Did the pain sear your soul</p><p>The way the sight of your tears</p><p>Scared me?</p><p>Too young and slight</p><p>Too frail for an unforgiving world</p><p>A world unknown to them</p><p>Tell me, my sweet</p><p>Is it heavy for you to carry this pain</p><p>Alone?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Rich</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If we had the time</p><p>Would you take me fishing?</p><p>I hear there are streams</p><p>Near the places you forget</p><p>Penny for a river</p><p>Of your thoughts</p><p>We may not have the time</p><p>But I am a rich god</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Destiny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I foretold the unbecoming of gods</p><p> </p><p>Fear me sweet words</p><p>Paper thin your threats in color</p><p>Chiming fates in kind</p><p>Ubiquitous name of mine</p><p>And sentence of kin</p><p>Found burnt in moon lilies</p><p>In the crashing waves of equinox</p><p>Peer through golden face</p><p>Mirror my soulless husk</p><p>The beasts beat the land</p><p>Into fertile submission</p><p>Yet still they drown on </p><p>The bad blood and sand</p><p>Greed pours in veins now</p><p>Shred my volition and sails</p><p>The sun burns West</p><p>And rivers run East</p><p> </p><p>Find me where you look last</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Found</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My body is nothing but a wide open wound</p><p>Greedy and feverish and starved</p><p>My mind is a place i do not wonder</p><p>For fear of the things that stalk it</p><p>My blood once ran scarlet between fingers</p><p>Where now lies heavy the crown</p><p>My curse is not to have fallen</p><p>But rather, to have found</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Sweet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sugar sweet smiles</p><p>On your marble lips</p><p>I wonder if you like</p><p>Watching my teeth break</p><p>On your tongue</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Rose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I am forgotten to the tide of time</p><p>Did i leave no mark?</p><p>Not unbeknownst, yet eroded away</p><p>Fall i say, fall and meet me</p><p>I lie in the shallows</p><p>Rose, left to drown with the weeds</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Brought forth from their mother by the sea</p><p>Crashing waves a symphony of prophecies</p><p>Cries rose like cresting foam, phyrric free</p><p>Fates colored with salt and atrocities</p><p>Moments unsung waterlogged with debris</p><p>Chosen ones casually like commodities</p><p>Soft prayers weighed in gold to disagree</p><p>Waves split by the prow of ideologies</p><p>Bound and choked unable to forsee</p><p>Decisions diagnosed like fatal pathologies</p><p>Raised apart like a homegrown detainee</p><p>Winning numbers to a fist full of lotteries</p><p>Crowned, hailed, forgotten, I decree</p><p>Rushing up at unstoppable velocities</p><p>There is nothing like a future your cant flee</p><p>Finger stiff with twine I am Sophocles</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A mortal child will be born to the Moon</p><p>In the shadows of craters long forgotten</p><p>Fates of the fierce to which none are immune</p><p>No matter my bloody words of caution</p><p>I fear with ardor the softest afternoon</p><p>When, in arms of steel carried yet protect not one</p><p>With golden tears your ranks are hewn</p><p>Left, the self cries and lies in moonlit ruin</p><p>Silence returns the prayers and commune</p><p>Divine, cavernous souls rusted and rotten</p><p>With twitching fingers the cards I have strewn</p><p>Come to lay like headstones too common</p><p>Blistering heat batters the brave and dune</p><p>Bittersweet for the taste of salt on cotton</p><p>Only the true face hailed at high noon</p><p>In sun drenched lands will grace the fallen</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Grown, you will learn, discover and grieve</p><p>Death stains far more than the hands at fault</p><p>Twitching, trembling fingers I yearn to weave</p><p>Futures made of more than wisp words occult</p><p>Stolen years like fate have made you thieve</p><p>Running and rushing and grinding to a halt</p><p>Loss is a language with no known reprieve</p><p>It burns of abyss wounds encrusted with salt</p><p>Light twists and tangles into mirage, misbelieve</p><p>Words thread fine do not weight in exalt</p><p>For one of black cliffs and sea foam, still naive</p><p>Your bones taste of wet sand and aged malt</p><p>How many times dead I still disbelieve</p><p>Gold mocks of wealth but rings of insult</p><p>I have lived a thousand lives your eve</p><p>I would bleed a kingdom for a different result</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Honeymoon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Touch mesmerized like<br/>Goosebump drawn mountain<br/>Erected against your skin<br/>Sigh into my mouth<br/>Your deliverance, sweetness<br/>We tumble amongst arms<br/>Without owners<br/>Time you asked, i despise<br/>Envy my moment here<br/>Taste forever against me<br/>Grass fine hair braided<br/>Twist sheets sunsets<br/>We own night between us<br/>Carve epics on my back<br/>Flitting fingers flat<br/>As i shiver into you<br/>Onto you, i become<br/>Renewed, and ancient<br/>All at once, and at all<br/>Blow the freckles across<br/>My shoulders like<br/>Waterlilies constellations<br/>Arc across my sky <br/>Rainbow flesh of man<br/>Buried into my chest <br/>My undoing like a key<br/>Hushed we giggle<br/>Cotton walls inch thin<br/>Worlds avoid us behind<br/>Our paper fortifications</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Stories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I am exhausted<br/>My energy, expended<br/>I am empty of all things<br/>Expect the stories <br/>With which i am filled</p>
  </div></div>
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